When I first considered writing about shidduch segulos, I was hesitant. My reluctance stemmed from the concern that I did not want to inadvertently give the impression that there’s a guaranteed, one-size-fits-all solution to the complex and personal journey of finding a life partner. The notion that performing a particular act could ensure marriage, seemed not only misleading but potentially disheartening to those who are single. I did not want to give false hope. As a shidduch and relationship coach, heartfelt tefillah for a shidduch has always been the best segulah I’ve had to offer.
However, I’ve realized that the subject of segulos for a shidduch holds a significant place in the hearts and minds of many. After receiving numerous requests to explore this topic, I’ve decided to write about the topic but to approach the subject differently. In this exploration, I will focus on segulos for a shidduch that offer intrinsic value. Practices that enrich and uplift the individual, regardless of the outcome of their search for a partner. I will focus on the segulos that through doing them you may grow and evolve as an individual.
I hope to offer insight and understanding, highlighting segulos that aim to aid in finding a partner and enrich one’s personal and spiritual growth.
We All Know The Power of Tefillah for a Shidduch, But What are Segulos?
A segulah is a Hebrew word that means a remedy or a protection. A segulah is a spiritual “remedy” or action believed to bring about a desired outcome through divine intervention. It is based on the Jewish tradition of performing specific actions or rituals believed to bring about a positive change in one’s luck, fortune, or destiny. Segulos are often rooted in the belief that spiritual actions can have a tangible impact on our lives.
For example, some people wear a red string around their wrist to ward off evil or say Parshas Haman for increased parnassah. A segulah is not a magic spell or superstition. It is another way of doing human hishtadlus and showing Hashem we are ready to receive His blessings.
Segulah for a Shidduch
Here are some of my favorite segulos that are relevant both in shidduchim and for anyone seeking a yeshua.
Shemiras Halashon
Guarding your tongue has so many obvious benefits and advantages. It leads to peace and harmony in homes and communities. Rebbetzin Kanievsky said that learning 2 Halachos of Shemiras Halashon daily is an excellent segula for shidduchim. There are many halachos about shidduchim in particular.
When Publicly Humiliated
When someone insults you, and you do not respond, you are considered a person who is “maavir al midosav” – a person who has a forgiving nature. Hashem loves such people, and this is a great time to daven for a shidduch for yourself or send off a shidduch prayer for those who need one
Shiluach Hakan
Shiluach Hakan is the mitzvah of sending away the mother bird before taking her eggs or young from the nest. It is a special mitzvah because it has several benefits and rewards:
- It teaches us to be compassionate and not cause unnecessary pain to animals.
- It is considered a segulah for a shidduch, having children, and acquiring a new house.
- It is one of the two mitzvos for which the Torah promises long life and good fortune.
The Strength of 40
The number 40 holds significant spiritual and symbolic power in various contexts in Jewish tradition. For instance, a baby is considered a fetus only after 40 days, marking the start of a new life and potential. Similarly, the Mabul lasted for 40 days and nights, Moshe spent 40 days and nights learning and getting ready to receive the Torah, and Bnei Yisrael had a 40-year journey through the desert. Each of these examples illustrates how the number 40 in Jewish tradition is associated with profound periods of change, growth, and spiritual awakening.
Many segulos for a shidduch are supposed to be done consecutively for 40 days. Such as:
Saying Shir Hashirim for 40 Days
Shir Hashirim talks about the love between man and wife, which is a metaphor for the love Hashem has for Bnei Yisrael. There is so much to learn about relationships just from reading this.
Going to the Kotel for 40 days
This age-old custom of davaning by the Kotel for 40 days straight has worked for all kinds of requested yeshuos. Offer a Prayer for a shidduch at the holiest place in the world.
Saying Nishmas Kol Chai for 40 Days
Saying Nishmas is the ultimate praise for Hashem. We should say this at all stages of our lives, but it can be particularly powerful as a shidduch prayer to find one’s soul mate.
Challah Bake with 40 Women
There are so many stories of people who experienced personal yeshuos after attending a challah bake. With 40 women in the room, saying a tefillah for a shidduch will have added strength. If nothing else, though, it is a great mitzvah and can be an inspiring and enjoyable evening.
Mesilas Yesharim
This particular segulah for a shidduch says to learn chapter 25 in Mesilas Yesharim. The truth is learning the whole Sefer is a good idea because it teaches a person the proper way to work on their character and temperament. What better segulah for shidduchim is there than perfecting your middos?
Answering Amen
This short word has so much power. In Gemarah Brachos (53b), Rabbi Yosi says that answering amen is a more significant act than reciting a bracha. Rabbi Nehorai concurs; he compares reciting a bracha to the common soldiers who start the battle while answering amen is like the expert warriors who swoop in and ensure victory. Each time you answer Amen to someone’s Bracha, have proper Kavana; this can be an excellent segulah for finding your zivug.
Hachnasas Kallah
Helping a kallah in need is a tremendous Mitzvah. The Zechus for this good deed is incredible. There are many places to give maaser money to for your shidduch hishtadlus. Easing the financial burden of a kallah (and chosson) and their parents is a way to show Hashem that just as you are helping His children, now you need His help.
Tznius
Modesty is more than the way a person dresses. It is about how you speak and your way of life. For many, this is a daily struggle. When you show Hashem that you are trying to overcome your battle with tznius, that can be such a powerful segulah for finding your bashert.
Tehillim for Your Shidduch
As we all know, tefillos are never wasted. We may not know immediately what effect our prayers have, but they will definitely benefit us. Saying Tehillim is especially powerful. Even just saying the words without kavana or sincere concentration is meaningful. Here are a few chapters in Tehillim that are thought to be especially helpful for shidduchim:
- Chapter 31: This was composed when Dovid was running away from Shaul. It is a lesson that man should entrust himself to Hashem.
- Chapter 32: In this tehillim, Dovid talks about the joy of being in a state of true repentance. Hashem sends suffering to people to help them reach that state.
- Chapter 70: Dovid is begging Hashem to save him from his enemies. We can ask Hashem to save us from our own troubles.
- Chapter 71: To those who seek Hashem in earnest, Hashem is like a sheltering rock Who protects them from the violent storms in their lives.
- Chapter 121: This describes the strength that Bnei Yisrael finds to reach godly heights. It is perfect to say this in times of crisis.
- Chapter 124: Hashem’s care and protection saved the Jews from extinction throughout Galus. We have to believe and trust in Hashem to help us out of our own Galus.
Help pay for fertility treatments for couples
Boneiolam.org and Ohelsarala.org are two organizations that are working together to help couples going through infertility and, at the same time, help young women looking for their bashert. The idea is that the one looking for a shidduch will pay for treatments for the couple, and the couple will then daven for the girl. If you want to sign up for this amazing segulah, go to ohelsarala.org.
Did you ever hurt anyone?
There are many stories of people, including some big gedolim, who were struggling with shidduchim for themselves or a child, and were told that maybe there was someone who they may have hurt in the past. After they received a full mechila from the person whose feelings were hurt, their mazal changed. It may be awkward or embarrassing to ask forgiveness from a person you may have hurt many years ago, but it is worth it. If any older single feels like their current situation may be due to a grudge held by someone, the single can send contact info to ohelsarala@gmail.com, and a Rav will work on obtaining a shtar mechila.
Daven for me, and I’ll Daven for you.
Prayer and davening to Hashem is the ultimate segulah. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov said that a person can daven in his own words and in any language. Hashem listens to anyone who reaches out. Even more so, Hashem listens to those who pray for another person. Instead of having yourself in mind when you daven, have another person going through the same struggle in mind. A person who sincerely davens for another person gets answered first.
Davening in Amuka in Israel for a Shidduch
A special kever to daven at as a segula for a shidduch is that of Rav Yonasan ben Uziel, near Tsfat in Amuka, Israel. It’s a spot visited by thousands of singles in hopes of finding their zivugim. When you’re next in Israel, it’s worth the trip.
Tefillos for a Shidduch
A special prayer for a shidduch is the Yehi Ratzon below. Commonly recited on Erev Rosh Chodesh Sivan this beautiful tefillah for a shidduch is written by the Shlah Hakadosh:
My Tefillah for your Shidduch
I hope that the tefillos and segulos listed above can bring you closer to meeting your bashert. Spiritual hishtadlus knows no bounds. If you’re also looking for a physical hishtadlus to do, contact me, Miriam Zeitlin, experienced dating and relationship coach. I’d love to help you create stronger relationships.
May Hashem answer all your tefillos for good.
