Embracing the Best and Worst of Times in Shidduch Dating: A Paradigm Shift

Charles Dickens’s famous opening line in “A Tale of Two Cities” – “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times” – perfectly captures the rollercoaster of emotions often encountered in shidduch dating. This journey, steeped in hope and anxiety, joy and disappointment, can feel like living through the best and worst of times simultaneously. Shidduch dating isn’t just a path to marriage; it’s a voyage of self-discovery and personal growth. Here’s how a change in mindset can make a world of difference:

Self-Discovery Over Desperation

Shidduch dating is not just about finding a partner; it’s about personal growth and understanding. It’s common to focus solely on the end goal, but appreciating the journey is crucial. This shift in perspective can change ‘waiting times’ into periods of self-improvement and self-discovery.

Practical Step: Instead of lamenting a lack of matches, use the time in between shidduchim to explore hobbies, strengthen friendships, or enhance your spiritual life. These activities not only enrich your life but also make you a more rounded and interesting partner.

Learning from a Shidduch Rejection

Rejection is often seen as the ‘worst of times’ in dating. However, it can be reframed as a learning experience. Each ‘no’ brings you closer to a ‘yes’ that is truly meant for you.

Practical Step: After a rejection, instead of dwelling on disappointment, reflect on what you’ve learned from the experience about your preferences and values. This introspection can guide you in making better-informed decisions in future dates.

Cultivate Gratitude

Gratitude can turn what seems like the worst of times into something more positive. By focusing on what is going well, you shift your mindset and attract more positivity into your life.

Practical Step: Regularly write down things you are grateful for in your dating journey. It could be a supportive family member, a thoughtful date, or personal resilience. This practice can shift your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant.

Seek Support and Community

Dating can be isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. Seeking support from friends, mentors, dating coaches or a community can provide comfort and guidance, turning solitary struggles into shared experiences.

Practical step: Have a coach or mentor that you can speak to, join a support group for singles, or create a network where you share experiences and advice. Being part of a community facing similar challenges can provide a sense of belonging and shared strength.

Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of your mental, emotional, and physical well-being is crucial. Self-care can turn stressful dating experiences into opportunities for nurturing yourself.

Practical step: Develop a self-care routine that includes activities like exercise, meditation, or reading. This not only keeps you balanced but also ensures you are at your best when meeting potential partners.

Be Open to Growing During your Journey 

Yes, shidduch dating can be fraught with challenges, but it’s also filled with potential and promise. By shifting how you view this journey, you can find beauty and growth in both the best and worst of times. It’s about finding balance, embracing spiritual heights, and ultimately, preparing yourself for a relationship that’s as fulfilling as the journey that led you there.

If you’re lacking a mentor to consult with, searching for shidduch advice, or seeking guidance in your shidduch journey, you can find support with an experienced, supportive, and frum shidduch dating coach. Contact Miriam Zeitlin and enjoy the process of finding your match.

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