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Most people think fight, flight, freeze, and fawn only happen in moments of real danger, but these reactions are triggered by feeling unsafe. For some, dating can feel that way, because emotional risk can trigger the same alarms as physical threat. It’s all the conflicting emotions. It’s the uncertainty. It’s the fear of being hurt or the panic of getting it wrong. So our bodies do what they’re trained to do: they protect us. Some daters go into fight mode — testing, analyzing, looking for red

What if the reason your dates keep failing has nothing to do with the other person? What if the biggest rejection in dating isn’t from other people, it’s the rejection you do to yourself before they ever meet you? Does this scenario sound familiar?  You’re on a date. They ask about your week. You answer with something short. They ask a follow-up question. You give another brief response. In your head, you’re screening every possible thing you could say, rejecting

I love when I take my own advice. For nearly two years, I lived and breathed my book, Finding Forever. My brain had one channel: book mode. I’d lose track of conversations as I mentally restructured sections, wake up at 3 AM with new chapter ideas, and write, rewrite, and rewrite again each paragraph, section, and chapter. Then came editing, cover design, marketing… and finally, there it was. My book. On shelves. Out in the world. And just like that, the one thing

It’s that time of year again. The day before Yom Kippur, and the words and melody of Kol Nidrei, so haunting and familiar, are ringing in my ears. The holiest day of the year begins with us asking to be released from our vows, from all the promises we made this past year. And as we stand there, we think about all the promises made and broken. Last Yom Kippur, we meant it. Every word of it. We were going

“Mikol melamdai hiskalti.” From all my teachers I gained understanding. You are all my teachers. I get many responses to my weekly emails, and they are usually complimentary and positive. I want to share a few of the responses that I received this week, and you will soon understand why. “Wow exactly what I needed to read now. Your emails have a special Siatta Dishmaya it’s almost creepy. Thank you so much!” “That article was perfect and beautiful. Thank you

I’m having a really hard time right now, and I figured I’d write about it. Maybe it’ll help me process what I’m feeling, or maybe someone else will relate. I don’t know—I just needed to put this somewhere. The Dread is Real Every year, my husband travels to Uman for Rosh Hashana. It’s become our annual separation that marks the beginning of the year. I’ve learned to navigate it, to count the days, to hold onto the knowledge that he’ll

I watched a hilarious clip from a show the other day that had me cracking up, but also made me think. Two couples are sitting around a dinner table, everyone relaxed and chatting. Then one of the husbands gets thirsty. Instead of asking for water, he just… tap tap taps on his glass with his finger. His wife immediately notices and smoothly reaches for the water pitcher, refilling his glass without even pausing her conversation. No big deal. A few minutes later,

I was watching my two-year-old grandson eat pizza the other day, and it was driving me crazy. The kid was doing everything wrong – he started with the crust, took random bites from the middle, and then licked the cheese off. Everything in me wanted to jump in and say, “No, no, no—that’s not how civilized people eat pizza! You start at the tip and work your way back, neat and proper.” Luckily, I stopped myself, because I realized he had

They say, “Dig the well before you are thirsty.” Or as JFK put it, “The best time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.” Benjamin Franklin reminded us that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” and warned that “by failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” The message is clear: The smartest time to prepare for marriage is before you’re in it. And once you are in it, the same rule applies—you prepare today for the marriage you want tomorrow.

If you’ve been shidduch dating for what feels like forever, you know that sometimes the only way to stay sane is to find the humor in it all. When you’ve been through enough dates to write a dissertation on hotel lobby dynamics, and you’re still showing up with hope and a smile, you deserve some recognition. The dating process can be exhausting, overwhelming, and downright bizarre at times. But if you don’t laugh about it, you might just lose your

Time moves differently when you’re waiting. Scientists have proven that uncertainty makes minutes feel like hours, days feel like months. Your brain literally can’t process time normally when it doesn’t know when something will end. Every parent knows this secret: when you tell a child “five more minutes,” they can handle it. But say “we’ll leave soon,” and they fall apart. Humans crave endpoints. We can endure almost anything if we know when it stops. I’ve always wondered why the period between

Usually, this space is all about me sharing my thoughts, and I have plenty of those. But this week, I wanted to hear from you. What is on your mind? In your heart? I posted this on my status (I am sharing it for those who didn’t see it): I’m changing things up in my newsletter this week! Instead of MY thoughts taking up space in your inbox, I want to hear yours. What’s your story lately? What are you dealing with, feeling

We don’t get to choose what survives. For three weeks, flames consumed everything. The Bais Hamikdash—that magnificent building of carved cedar and gleaming gold, where Hashem’s presence dwelled among marble pillars and intricate tapestries—was reduced to ash and rubble. The Romans methodically destroyed every sacred vessel, every precious element, every carefully crafted detail that had taken years to build. They tore down the towering walls, scattered the stones, and left behind only devastation where once stood the most beautiful structure

Don’t think about a pink elephant. What did you just think about? Exactly. Your brain just proved something fascinating: when someone tells you NOT to think about something, that’s precisely what your mind focuses on. The word “don’t” gets lost in translation, but “pink elephant” sticks like glue. The Psychology Behind the Problem This isn’t just a cute party trick – it’s how our brains are wired. When we hear negative commands like “don’t panic” or “no stress,” our minds latch onto the main action word (panic, stress) and essentially

Picture this: You’re on a third date with a guy, and they’re telling you about their five-year plan, their hashkafa, and their thoughts on where to live after marriage. Check, check, check—everything sounds great on paper. So why does something feel… off? Maybe because you’ve been setting marriage goals like you’re hiring a business partner instead of choosing a life partner. When I start working with new clients, I always ask the same question: “Why do you want to get

Last week, one of my clients came to me all frustrated. “I went out with three guys recently, but all of them said no after the third date,” she said. “I don’t get it. What am I doing wrong?” So we did some detective work. Turns out, she was basically turning into a one-woman consulting firm every time her dates mentioned something challenging- work stress, family drama, whatever, she’d immediately launch into problem-solving mode. “Have you tried this?” “You should

Decoding dating language can launch a full-blown overthinking spiral. Ever read a text from a date and thought, “Wait… what does that really mean?” You get a “Sounds good,” and suddenly you’re wondering if they’re excited… or just being polite. They say, “We’ll talk soon,” and you’re left unsure — is that tomorrow, next week, or never? One Word, Many Meanings If you’ve been following me or reading my blogs, you already know how much I love words. I collect

Last week, I talked about the word AND — how it’s possible to feel two things at once. You can be content with parts of your life AND still ache for the one thing that hasn’t fallen into place yet. You can feel confident AND unsure. Hopeful and honestly just… tired. This week, I want to introduce another three-letter word that may be even more powerful when it comes to dating: YET. Caution: If you are past the dating stage, don’t stop reading! While this was written

There’s a principle I’ve been thinking about a lot lately — one that applies to almost every part of life: career, friendships, marriage, dating, and mental health. But for this post, I’ll play the role of dating coach — as the midnight date debriefers seem to think I am — and focus on how this plays out in the world of dating. Dating is full of mixed messages. One minute it’s: “You’re enough. Just be yourself.” And the next it’s: