The inspiration for today’s topic came when I was reading the label on a package of mini Oreos (which I may or may not be addicted to), and it said: Made with Real Cocoa. As if that will negate all the calories I am eating.
It got me thinking about all the different claims we read on packages. If something sounds official, we believe it. Let’s see if that is wise.
We’ve all fallen for it.
At the supermarket, as you walk up and down the aisles, something catches your eye. The box proudly proclaims it is Clinically Proven, Dermatologist-recommended, Number One Bestseller, Heart Healthy, or As Seen on TV (now it’s as seen on TikTok or Instagram).
If it says Studies show or Results guaranteed, we trust it to be true, and suddenly, we’re tossing it – the shampoo, toothpaste, moisturizer, cereal, or some other item you never knew you needed into your cart because, hey, experts agree!
“Clinically proven” just means they tested it on three people in a basement, and “Studies Show” just means they asked twelve people on a WhatsApp chat.
When did we become so gullible?
We trust marketing labels and branding games because we want to believe they are true. We don’t look for proof or ask for the research. We buy first, ask questions later.
Clinically Proven to Be a Good Listener
Dating has its own version of self-marketing, and we fall for it just as easily. The difference is that instead of a shampoo bottle making these claims, it’s a person. When a cereal claims to be heart-healthy, we buy it without researching whether that claim is true. When someone tells us they’re communicative or emotionally aware we tend to take their statements at face value.
As seen on dating profiles everywhere:
I’m a good listener, open-minded, non-judgmental, extremely easygoing, growth-oriented, and very self-aware.
Scientists discovered that nine out of ten self-descriptions have never been tested in a controlled environment. Experts agree.
It is so easy to add these labels or phrases to resumes. Words are cheap. Anyone can copy and paste a list of virtues. Are we supposed to ask for documentation? A certificate? A before-and-after photo? A letter from their therapist?
It’s funny because none of these phrases actually tells you anything specific about the person. They are cliché and general and don’t really mean anything.
Someone can tell you they’re a great communicator, but you learn more from one awkward conversation than from all the claims in the world.
Someone can claim to be non‑judgmental, but watch how they talk about their friends, siblings, coworkers, and the waiter who forgot the dressing on the side.
Someone can say they are growth‑oriented, but they haven’t updated a single internal setting since 2014.
Wish List
There is nothing wrong with wanting a spouse who is reliable, honest, and consistent. Those are essential traits. But we need to stop giving people credit for the traits they say they have and start letting them earn those titles through how they live. At some point, we need to look past self-proclaimed labels and look for proof. We need to make sure the label matches the product.
If someone says they are self‑aware, there should be some indication that they notice their own patterns.
If someone says they are easy-going but has road rage, what does that tell you?
And if someone insists they’re a good listener, you should be able to speak without feeling like you’re competing with their next thought.
It’s not about catching anyone in a lie. It’s simply noticing what’s already there. People reveal themselves in ordinary moments. How they handle a plan that shifts, how they respond when something is inconvenient, how they treat someone who isn’t important to them. Those moments speak volumes.
The problem is that we’ve gotten used to trusting the front of the box. We need to stop treating self‑descriptions like verified facts. Let people show you who they are in the unpolished, unscripted moments.
If someone is reliable, you’ll see it.
If someone is honest, you’ll feel it.
If someone is consistent, they will show up without any introduction.
And if the label doesn’t match the product, no matter how many times they repeat it, that tells you something.
A Little Experiment for Your Next Date
Before the date, write down three traits that are most important to you.
For example: open‑minded, non‑judgmental, growth‑oriented. (Use your own. These are just examples.)
Then write one question for each to ask your date.
Open‑minded
“When a shadchan suggests something a bit different than what you had in mind, how do you usually respond?”
Non‑judgmental
“When you meet new people or hear about someone’s situation, what are the first things you tend to notice or think about?”
Growth‑oriented
“What’s something about yourself you’ve worked on over the last couple of years?
And then, turn the questions around on yourself. Could you answer them honestly in a way that matches the way you like to describe yourself?
I am not saying you should stop trusting people or start questioning everything they tell you. Most people genuinely believe their self-proclamations. This isn’t about honesty and dishonesty. It’s about the gap between intention and practice.
I am also not here to ban the phrases. Use them. Enjoy them. Put growth‑oriented and great listener in your bio if it’s true for you. Tell people you’re open‑minded and non‑judgmental.
But does the product match the label?
Pay less attention to the words and more attention to the evidence.
Actions speak louder than words.
