Dating is all about getting to know the other person. But, unless you’re a natural conversationalist, finding shidduch date questions and topics to talk about that can be tough, (especially if you’re already feeling under pressure).
Using her experience as a frum dating coach, Miriam Zeitlin shares top questions to ask on a shidduch date that can help you learn about the person you are dating on a deeper level.
16 Ice Breaker Questions to Ask on a Shidduch Date
- Who is the most fascinating person you’ve met?
- What are some accomplishments you are proud of?
- What would you do if you had enough money to never have to work?
- What does your perfect vacation look like?
- Among your friends, what are you best known for?
- What fad did you never really understand?
- What do you do to unwind?
- Name a fear that you have?
- What wrong assumptions do people make about you?
- Do you prefer to work alone or in a team?
- How have you changed since high school?
- Before you make a call, do you rehearse what you will say?
- What are you most grateful for?
- What would you do with extra time if you never had to sleep?
- What have some of the happiest moments in your life been so far?
- What is the most spontaneous thing you ever did?
Shidduch Dating Conversation Topics
If the person you’re dating isn’t much of a talker, you may need to work a little harder to strike substantial shidduch date conversations. Remember that it might take time to establish enough of a relationship to converse naturally.
Here are some ideas for general shidduch conversation starters:
- The most interesting experience you ever had…
- Let’s play Jewish geography!
- If you did a PhD what would the topic be…
- In your wildest dreams, you’d love to…
- The best book you ever read…
- An article that really got to you and why…
- If you were stranded on a desert island and could only take 3 things…
- The best restaurant you’ve been to…
- A summer experience…
- How’d you choose your career/course?
- Your best birthday celebration…
Shidduch Date Questions, Date by Date
If you’ve already been out a couple of times and are looking for shidduch date questions that will help you gain a better understanding of the other’s thoughts and feelings, you may want to try some of these suggestions:
Dates Three – Five:
- What energizes you?
- What makes you angry?
- What or who has made the biggest impact on you in life?
- What inspires you?
- What’s you’re greatest strength (and greatest weakness)?
- Where do you stand politically?
Dates Six and On:
- What qualities in a future spouse are most important to you?
- What personality types do you best compliment?
- Have you visited Israel? How did it affect you?
- Describe your taste in decor, clothes, food, and music
- What would you love to learn more about?
- What life accomplishment made you most proud?
Hashkafic Shidduch Topics
While you now have questions to ask on a first shidduch date and what to talk about on a second shidduch date, the conversation doesn’t stop there!
For future dates, you can dive deeper and ask about:
- Friendships and how they were formed and developed
- Family, who they’re close with, and the home dynamics
- Future children bezH, and how you’d want to raise them
- How Chessed features in their life
- How do they picture their home responsibilities being met
- How much Torah learning plays a role in their life
- Life values and priorities, in general
- How you’d imagine Shabbos and Yomtov in your future home
- How you’ve faced life’s bumpy roads and challenges and learnt from them
- How you resolved moral dilemmas and fueds
- Emunah and Bitachon and how they feature in the day-to-day
- One’s absolute red lines
- How you relate to each other
- Finances and attitudes towards money
- Level of religious observance
- What they like to emulate from your parent’s marriage (or avoid)
- How would they handle spousal stresses and arguments?
- Technology in the home
- Community Importance
There’s More to Shidduchim Than Just Shidduch Date Questions
If you find the conversation flowing, you may need no more advice on what to talk about on a shidduch date. But for many, some pre-prepared conversation starters can go a long way.
If you’re looking to feel ready for each date and equipped with confidence that shines, contact Miriam Zeitlin and meet a dating coach focused on your success!
