From Paper to Proposal: Practical Tips for Writing an Effective Shidduch Resume

Dec 27, 2023
By Miriam Zeitlin

Putting you best foot forward makes a world of a difference when it comes to shidduchim. With inter-state and even international matchmaking on the rise, having a quality shidduch resume that represents you well can bring you one step closer to meeting your match!

However, before the shidduch resume became the norm, there was a time when the local matchmaker was the living encyclopedia of eligible singles. Picture them, notebook in hand, filled with notes like ‘great masmid, but doesn’t make eye contact’ or ‘fantastic baker, and it shows on her figure’. Gone are the days of the town shadchan who knew your favorite color, what you ate for breakfast, and your grandmother’s maiden name.

Fast forward to the landline era, where matchmaking calls interrupted dinners and bedtime routines. Families huddled around the phone, scribbling notes on any scrap of paper. “He’s a doctor… or was it a lawyer? Wait, start over!”

Today, we have a better system in place, something far more powerful (and less prone to forgetting crucial details) – the shidduch resume! The shidduch resume is a blessing for those tired of writing on the back of grocery receipts. Now, details are neatly typed and organized.

The Real Purpose of a Shidduch Resume

The purpose of a shidduch resume goes far beyond simply providing a list of basic personal information. I’m Miriam Zeitlin and as a dating coach with 25 years of marriage experience under my belt, I’ve seen first hand that when it comes to the world of shidduch dating, first impressions are everything. And for those in certain circles, the shidduch resume is often the first glimpse into who you are as a person. Given that shadchanim, parents, and singles often sift through numerous resumes daily, the clarity and thoroughness of a shidduch resume are crucial. Its purpose is to streamline the process for shadchanim, aiding them in efficiently identifying suitable matches. A resume that lacks detail or clarity might disadvantage the individual seeking a shidduch. Conversely, a resume that is clear, well-rounded, and easily comprehensible enables shadchanim, parents, and singles to evaluate and make well-informed choices regarding a potential match.

The shidduch resume serves as a representation of your character, values, and life goals, making it an essential tool for anyone seeking a shidduch. Crafting a standout shidduch resume can be a daunting task, but with the right guidance and tips, you can showcase your best self and increase your chances of finding your perfect match. In this blog post, we will dive into the dos and don’ts of creating a memorable shidduch resume. I will include detailed instructions on how to write a shidduch resume and what to include in each section. You will also find a sample resumes for both boys and girls that you can use as your shidduch resume template. So, let’s get started with creating a resume that truly reflects who you are and what you’re looking for in a partner.

The Risks of Withholding Information in your Shidduch Resume

Omitting significant details from a shidduch resume often does more harm than good. It’s crucial to be upfront about information that could be easily discovered or is widely known. People tend to feel upset or misled when they learn about such details later, which can undermine trust and hinder the shidduch process. Openness from the start fosters a foundation of honesty and transparency, necessary for building strong, lasting relationships.

The Essential Components of a Shidduch Resume

The shidduch resume has a few essential elements that are crucial for effectively showcasing who you are and what you are looking for in a potential partner. In this section, I will give you the shidduch resume outline and delve into the key elements that should be included in your resume to maximize its impact.

Basic Information:

Full name. Include the name you go by, full Hebrew name and any nicknames.
Date of Birth. Do not write your age. Date of Birth never changes, age does!
Location: Where are you from? Where do you currently live?
Height: Be Honest! Some singles try to embellish their height, but that is not helpful. A person will see right away if you lie about your height.
Family background: Ashkenaz or Sephardi. Litvish or chassidish. Are you open to dating someone from a different background? If you are, note it down.
Marital Status: If previously married, whether divorced or widowed, include that here.
Children: If you have any children, include their names and ages.

Family Information:

Father: Full name – Hebrew & the name he goes by, profession – including the name of the company he works for.
Mother: Full name – Hebrew, name goes by and maiden name, profession – including the name of the company she works for.
Grandparents: Include the names of both sets of grandparents, even if deceased, and where they are from.
Siblings: Names and ages of all siblings, current info about them, such as current school, work etc. If any sibling is married, include the name of their spouse.
Mechutanim: When applicable, include the names of all mechatanim. If they allow it, you can also include their phone numbers.

Education:

Include all schools you attended, beginning with high school. It should be in chronological order, starting with the earliest first. If you are in college or already graduated, specify what degree you are going for or have received.

Employment:

Current job. Include the name of the company, your title, and your job description.

Summers:

You can include camps or bungalow colonies that you attended.

Shul:

Write the name of the Shul you daven in, if applicable, or the family shul. Include the name and phone number of the Shul Rav.

Shidduch Resume References

The shidduch reference plays a critical role in the shidduch process. It is crucial, before putting someone down as a reference for you, to be mindful of the following:

You should ask them before adding them as a reference and make sure they will happily do it. As a reference, they may get many calls about you, and they should genuinely be willing to help.
The reference should be someone who knows you currently, not someone from seminary or high school, and you graduated 8 years ago. (Unless you kept up with them the entire time.) Same for neighbors. Don’t list someone who moved away many years ago.
Review with them the answers to commonly asked questions, such as questions about your hashkafa type, where you want to live, what you are currently doing, how you spend your free time, and your personal values.
List references that know you in a different capacity, such as Rebbe or teacher (if you kept a connection with them), personal friends, family friends, workmates, and boss.
The reference should not be someone who is too busy and never answers their phone.
List the cell phone numbers, not the landlines. No one answers their house phone anymore!

How to Make an Interesting Shidduch Resume

In the world of shidduch resumes, adding a personal bio is not just beneficial; it’s a game-changer. Merely listing basic facts about yourself may place you in the same category as countless others, making it hard to stand out. However, a short, well-written personal description that describes who you are, your passions, and what you’re specifically looking for in a partner can significantly differentiate you from the crowd.

This personal touch transforms your resume from a simple list of facts into a profile that captures your unique personality and life vision. This short narrative should encapsulate not just who you are but also what makes you distinct: your values, life goals, and the specific qualities you seek in a partner. It helps Shadchanim and potential matches to connect with you on a deeper level, understanding not just the ‘what’ but the ‘who’ and ‘why’ of your search. In essence, it turns a standard shidduch resume into one that is far more memorable and engaging.

Some Things to Consider When Writing your Bio

Be clear but concise: while providing detailed information is important, remember to keep your bio succinct. Aim to convey the essence of who you are without overwhelming the reader with too much information.
Highlight your core values and personality: briefly state your core values, including important hashkafic views and the characteristics that define you. Keep it authentic and reflective of who you are.
Include interests and hobbies: sharing your interests and hobbies can give a more complete picture of your personality. This could range from artistic pursuits to volunteering or travel. These details can spark interest and show that you are more than a name on a piece of paper.
Don’t be a cliché: what makes you unique? If you want to stand out from the hundreds of singles who sound just like you, explain what makes you special and different. Why should they choose you?
Avoid generic words and terms: do not use words like kind, nice, mentch, and good middos to describe yourself or what you are looking for. These words do not tell us anything about who you are. Use descriptive adjectives such as dedicated, grounded, vivacious, perceptive, charismatic, ambitious, and adventurous.

Detail what you are looking for in a spouse:

Learning or working: write if you are looking for someone who is learning, (short-term or long-term) working, in school, Kovea Itim.
Avoid Superficial Criteria: Focus on deeper qualities beyond physical appearance. (Yes, looks do matter, but you’ll focus on other qualities more in the resume.)
Prioritize: focus on your top 3 needs and not a long list of wants.
Write in the positive: focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.

Shidduch Pictures

There are no rules that require a shidduch resume photo, and the decision to include one is up to you. If you do decide to include a shidduch picture, be mindful of these points:

Clarity and quality: choose a clear, high-quality photo. It should not be blurry or pixelated, as this can create a poor impression. The focus should be on you, so avoid group photos where it’s hard to identify who you are.
Natural and genuine expression: Your expression should be natural and genuine. A friendly, approachable smile can make a positive impression. Avoid overly posed or artificial expressions in shidduch pictures, as they can seem inauthentic.
Recent photo: The photo should be recent and reflect how you currently look. Using an outdated photo can lead to misunderstandings or a sense of mistrust when the image does not match the current reality.
Background and setting: pay attention to the background and setting of the photo. It should be simple and uncluttered, without distracting elements. The focus should be on you, not on the surroundings.
Looking your best: It’s important to present yourself in the best possible light. This means being well-groomed and dressed neatly. Hairstyling and, if applicable, makeup should be done tastefully and not overly extravagant.

Remember, the goal is to create a positive and accurate representation of who you are.

The Cheat Sheet

This is where you give a more detailed description about yourself to give the shadchan and your references. It will give them the answers to commonly asked questions. Common things to write on this list include:

Hashkafic views: describe more about your views on things such as halacha, minhag, and your religious goals.
Life ambitions: describe your future aspirations, both personal and professional.
Social preferences: discuss your social habits and the type of social environment you thrive in.
Characteristics you are looking for: elaborate on the specific personality traits and characteristics you value.
Lifestyle compatibility: any lifestyle-related aspects that are crucial for compatibility, such as travel preferences, attitude towards health and fitness, where you want to live, etc.
Intellectual and educational preferences: what are your preferences regarding intellectual compatibility and educational background?
Deal breakers: list any deal breakers that you may have.
Important Info: share anything that is important for the shadchan or references to know about you or your family. These are things you don’t necessarily want to include in the resume but that someone calling them for information may find out and ask about. You don’t want them to be blind-sighted by questions.

Keeping the Resume Current

The resume should always be current and updated.
When there are any changes such as to your education, employment, hashkafa, or location, edit the resume.
Every 6 months, review it and make changes to keep it fresh.

Additional Tips

If you’re reading this to learn how to write your first shidduch (and even if it’s your 5th!) consider the following points:

Keep it to one page. If you have a lot of information, consider using columns. It can really save space (and head space).
Be as real and genuine as possible.
Make sure to proofread and spell-check. There is nothing more off-putting than mistakes on a resume. That includes double checking that all names are correct and phone numbers listed for references are correct. Check for grammar mistakes. Make sure all capitalizations, such as for names, are in place.
Using a different format than the most commonly used ones, different fonts, and a pop of color is an easy way to make your resume stand out. You do not want to go too crazy with design, but showing a bit of your unique personality never hurts.

Rethinking Your Shidduch Resume Strategy

If you are finding it challenging to get dates with your current shidduch resume, consider whether it truly represents you. An effective way to assess this is by seeking feedback from a shidduch expert whom you trust. This could be a shadchan, a dating coach, or a mentor experienced in shidduchim who knows you well and understands your needs.

Sample Resume Template

I will now share 2 sample shidduch resumes for you to get an idea of what to write and to help you get started. All the names and info on these sample resumes are completely fictional. Feel free to copy these and turn them into your shidduch resume examples.

Download

You’re One Step Closer With a Fantastic Shidduch Resume

Making a shidduch resume is an important part of the shidduch dating process. It’s a great way to show who you are, focusing on what you’re good at and what you’re looking for in a partner. When you write your resume, be honest and clear, and make sure it really reflects who you are. Talk about the things you’re proud of and what your core values are. Remember, this resume is a way to introduce yourself and your hopes for the future. So, take your time with it, and it can really help you find the right person for you.

Talk about the things you’re proud of and what your core values are. Remember, this resume is a way to introduce yourself and your hopes for the future. So, take your time with it, and know that it can bring you one step closer to finding your soulmate.

While a great resume can find you a great date, the shidduch process has only just begun. If you’re looking for a dating coach (with many happily married references) to support you in every step of your shidduch journey and beyond, reach out and schedule a free discovery call.