The most peaceful time of the week for me is after I light the Shabbos lecht, and in the soft glow of the candlelight, I whisper with deep concentration the prayer that a woman davens for her husband. Week after week, I say the words, and each time is like the first, the emotion so raw and real, asking Hashem to bless my marriage with the love and friendship we had as a Chosson & Kallah.
ותטע בינינו תמיד אהבה ואחוה שלום ורעות
“There should always be love, companionship, peace, and friendship between us.”
This is what I desire most in the world. There is nothing more significant a woman can pray for than to have a relationship built on these four foundations. The words are so powerful, so deep & meaningful. It has been said that diamonds are a woman’s best friend, but what makes us truly happy and content is shalom and harmony between our husbands and us. Women are blessed with a בינה יתרה, the extra intuition that is needed to strengthen and nurture our relationships. We can make it happen. When you light the Shabbos candles each week, ask Hashem for the wisdom and כח required to help make your marriage better and stronger.
אהבה – Love.
The emotional connection and deep affection between a husband and wife. It is the essence of marriage. When I think of love between a husband and wife, I think about Yaakov’s love for Rochel. To me, that is the ultimate love I aspire to have. The word אהבה has two roots. One is הב, which means to give, and the other, אהב means to nurture. Love is an action. It doesn’t just happen; we need to make it happen. Do we give to those we love or love to whom we give? The answer is both! Caring for and giving of yourself to another person makes your feelings for them grow stronger. When the love between you and your husband needs a little boost, do something nice for him even if you are not feeling it, and the love will flourish.
אחוה – Companionship.
Having someone to share experiences, memories, and everyday life with brings a sense of contentment and happiness. There is so much comfort in knowing there is someone you can always count on. This does not mean you have to spend every minute together or like all the same things, but there should be a feeling that – your interest is my interest. Showing them support for the things that are important to them creates a deep bond. Don’t take it for granted that they will always be there. Make your spouse feel special by showing excitement when they come home, being fully present with them when they are talking to you, and focusing on them without distractions.
שלום – Peace.
This is my favorite of the four foundations of a great marriage. There’s a general sense of calm and tranquility in the relationship. When there is peace and serenity between husband and wife, they can face and overcome all challenges together. Life is unpredictable. Everyone has ups and downs, but when the atmosphere in the home is calm, and the couple speaks respectfully and affectionately to each other, handling life’s many curveballs is much easier. In a peaceful marriage, there is warmth, comfort, and a deep-rooted sense of love and understanding.
רעות – Friendship.
Schmooze, laugh, and have a good time together. Confide in each other and share the vulnerable parts of yourself. Often work, the kids, and countless other responsibilities & obligations get in the way of us nurturing our most precious relationship. Friendship is the key to keeping the spark alive and the marriage fresh. Try to have regular date nights. You do not need to spend much money to enjoy each other’s company. Take walks, play games, or learn something together. The point is to spend quality time together each day.
ותקבע אהבתי בלב בעלי
“He should place in my husband’s heart a love for me.”
These four words capture so beautifully all that a woman should daven for.
Everything is possible when there is love in the heart and peace in the home.
