Last week, I talked about the word AND — how it’s possible to feel two things at once.
You can be content with parts of your life AND still ache for the one thing that hasn’t fallen into place yet.
You can feel confident AND unsure. Hopeful and honestly just… tired.
This week, I want to introduce another three-letter word that may be even more powerful when it comes to dating:
YET.
Caution: If you are past the dating stage, don’t stop reading! While this was written with daters in mind, the truth is, just like the power of AND works in all situations, the power of YET works far beyond dating. Whether you’re navigating parenting, marriage, career uncertainty, or your own inner doubts, this mindset shift can change the way you speak to yourself. These tools apply wherever you feel stuck or discouraged.
If you’ve been in the dating world for a while, it’s easy to fall into mental loops:
“I keep getting stuck.”
“Nothing ever really goes anywhere.”
“Other people seem to get it. Why can’t I?”
Yeah, our brains can be incredibly creative when it comes to inventing reasons why things aren’t working. It basically writes and produces a dramatic series called ‘My Dating Failures’ on repeat. And when those thoughts repeat themselves enough times, they start feeling like fact.
That’s where YET comes in. It’s the word that keeps the sentence — and the story — open.
A Look Inside Your Brain
Your brain has something called negativity bias, which means it pays more attention to what’s going wrong than what’s going right. In dating, that means one awkward date or one rejection can feel ten times louder than anything good, and your negativity bias says with a smug nod, ‘See? I knew that would happen!’
But your brain also has something else: neuroplasticity — the ability to rewire and form new connections based on how you think and what you practice. This is where YET does its magic.
When you say something like, “I haven’t figured this out… YET,” your brain gets a different message. Instead of shutting down, it stays open. That small shift can even trigger dopamine — a feel-good chemical that boosts motivation and helps you keep going.
In simple terms: YET gets your brain back on your side.
From My Coaching Files
Someone I worked with recently was dating a guy she really liked, when out of the blue – at least that is how it felt to her – he ended things. They’d gone out for about six weeks, and it was the first time in a while that things felt easy. She didn’t feel like she had to overthink or overperform. He was kind, grounded, and she liked who she was when she was around him.
When it ended, it caught her off guard. There was no big blow-up, no major issues. He said he just wasn’t feeling it, and that was that.
On the outside, she handled it well, but underneath it all, she started second-guessing everything. Not just what happened with him, but her own ability to read people and trust herself.
She said, “I really thought I had finally found something that felt healthy and real. I didn’t think I was imagining it. And now I feel like I can’t trust myself.”
I didn’t say anything at first. We sat in silence for a minute, letting her process everything.
I then gently asked her, “What if you added the word YET to the end of that sentence?”
At first, her face was blank. She did not understand what I was telling her. But then she got it.
Her face softened a little, and she began to smile ever so slightly.
“I’m learning how to trust myself… I am just not there YET.”
That didn’t magically fix everything. She still felt hurt and disappointed. She still kept replaying everything in her head. But saying “I haven’t learned how to trust myself yet” gave her something to hold onto. Something to come back to when her thoughts started spinning.
Because that’s what YET does — it gives you a way to stay in the process when all you want to do is give up.
How does it sound in Real Life?
So, what does this mystical ‘YET’ actually sound like when you’re trying to, you know, date without losing your mind? Here are a few possibilities…
- “I haven’t gotten past the third date… yet.”
- “I haven’t figured out how to make this work… yet.”
- “I haven’t learned how to trust without overthinking… yet.”
- “I haven’t worked through my fear of rejection… yet.”
Don’t think of them as instant fixes. They won’t make the challenges disappear. But they change the narrative. They turn the story from “The End” into “To Be Continued…
Three Things the Word YET Actually Does
1. It softens self-judgment.
“I haven’t figured this out” feels heavy. Add YET, and it becomes, “I haven’t figured this out YET” — which sounds like a work in progress, not a personal flaw.
2. It disrupts the negative loop.
Those thoughts like “This always happens to me” or “Nothing ever changes” can spiral fast. YET interrupts the pattern and gives you something to hold onto instead of something to sink into.
3. It opens the possibility that things can still change.
Without YET, your thoughts sound final. Add it, and they stay open. You’re not where you want to be — but you’re not stuck either. You’re just not there YET.
Put It into Practice
📝 Catch one thought today that feels like a full stop — something like “I haven’t had a date go past three times” or “I’ve never been in a relationship that felt mutual.” Pause, and add YET. Say it out loud if you can. Whisper it if you have to. Just interrupt the loop and see what shifts.
📱 Create a ‘yet’ note in your phone. Write down the dating beliefs that come up most often, and reframe them with YET. Look at it when you start spiraling or doubting yourself.
👥 Ask a friend to be your “yet buddy.” When you start talking yourself into a hole, have them gently add yet to the end of your sentence. (It’s mildly annoying, but weirdly effective.)
This isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s just a way to leave the door open a crack.
Yet won’t solve everything — but it might be the thing that helps you stay in it one more day, one more date, one more time.
Fair warning: The part of your brain that focuses on what’s going wrong? It might act like a dramatic teenager when you try adding YET – complete with eye-rolls and insisting “it’s not going to work!” Ignore the attitude and push back anyway. What’s the first negative thought you’re going to challenge with YET this week?
I love sharing these tools each week, but sometimes what you really need is support tailored just for your unique situation. If you’re feeling ready for that kind of deep dive and personalized guidance, reach out.
