Imagine the scene: a gifted woman with a quill in her hand, pouring her heart into plays that unravel the mysteries of the human spirit. Yet, in Elizabethan England, her brilliance would never see the light of day under her own name. So she makes a decision: she cloaks her identity behind the name of William Shakespeare, a man whose very existence would give her words the audience they deserve.
I recently came across a fascinating book exploring the idea that this might not be fiction. It suggests that Shakespeare’s famous plays could have been written by a woman, forced to hide behind a male name because a female playwright would have been unthinkable at the time. The idea of someone suppressing their true identity just to be heard stuck with me.
Today’s Opportunity for Dating Authentically
Thankfully, we don’t live in a time when societal rules dictate that we must hide our talents, ideas, or true selves to be accepted—or at least not as blatantly. Today, we have the freedom to let our individuality shine in ways that were unimaginable centuries ago. Yet, in some ways, we still hold ourselves back. Even in a world that celebrates authenticity, many of us feel the need to conform, especially when it comes to dating.
We worry that being 100% ourselves might scare off a potential match. Maybe it’s the career path we think they won’t understand, a hobby that feels too “out there,” or even how much we care about something others might dismiss. So, like Shakespeare’s supposed muse, we cloak our true selves behind a mask, presenting a polished version that feels “safe.”
But here’s the thing: when we hide who we really are, we’re not setting ourselves up for the kind of connection that lasts. Real relationships are built on authenticity—the willingness to be fully seen and to see someone else in return. Pretending to be someone you’re not might get you a first date, but it will never lead to the kind of love that cherishes the real you.
The freedom we have now, to fully embrace and express who we are, is a gift. It’s a reminder that we don’t need to play by outdated rules or fit into someone else’s mold to be loved. If you want a partner who will truly see you and appreciate you for all that you are, the first step is letting them. That means showing up as yourself—flaws, interests, and all.
The Masks We Wear
The pressure to present a polished, “perfect” version of ourselves can feel stifling in dating. Will they still like me if they find out about my struggles? What if my quirky hobby or unconventional background is a deal-breaker? Fearing rejection, we bury our authentic selves beneath layers of “acceptable” traits, much like Shakespeare’s supposed muse.
We put on a mask. We highlight our accomplishments, laugh at jokes we don’t find funny, and steer clear of touchy subjects to ensure we’re seen as the “ideal” partner. But here’s the paradox: wearing masks attracts people who fall for the persona, not the real us.
The result? Relationships that feel hollow. Connections built on pretense. And eventually, when the cracks in the facade show, we’re left feeling unseen and unfulfilled.
The truth is, lasting love can only be built on a foundation of authenticity. Real relationships flourish when we are brave enough to let someone see us as we truly are. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s connection. It’s being able to say, “This is who I am,” and having someone respond, “That’s exactly who I’ve been looking for.”
The Courage to Let Go
Being authentic in dating takes courage because not everyone will appreciate your realness. Some may lose interest or judge you—and that’s okay. Let them go. By staying true to yourself, you naturally filter out those who aren’t your match and make room for the person who is.
And here’s the best part: when you dare to be authentic, you inspire others to do the same. Vulnerability begets vulnerability. When you drop the mask, your date feels safe to drop theirs, too. Slowly, you create a bond that’s built on truth—a bond that can weather the inevitable ups and downs of life.
Shine Bright as Yourself
If the visionary behind Shakespeare were alive today, we’d hope she’d proudly pen her masterpieces under her own name, knowing her brilliance didn’t need a pseudonym to shine. Similarly, you don’t need to hide your true self in dating—or in life.
Honor the unique light Hashem placed within you. Dare to show up as your authentic self, quirks and all. The right person will love you not despite your flaws but because of them.
So ask yourself: What parts of me am I hiding? What would it feel like to let them shine? When you take off the mask and embrace your authenticity, you open the door to the kind of love that sees you, cherishes you, and celebrates you exactly as you are.
And who knows? Your love story may even rival the works of Shakespeare himself.
If you want to explore more of what it means to date authentically, tune into this episode of the YuConnects podcast, Candidate. I had the pleasure of guest hosting and sharing insights on how to bring your true self to the dating process.
