Tu B’Av, if you’re in the shidduch world, you probably have heard about it, but outside of that, it’s one of those holidays that doesn’t get a lot of attention. It is most often referred to as the holiday of love, but it is actually a very holy and special day. The Mishnah says that: No days were as festive for Bnei Yisrael as the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur. It is a day filled with holiness and the perfect time for some heartfelt davening and deep reflection.
In the “olden days”, Tu B’Av was celebrated with a beautiful and symbolic tradition: young women would go out to the vineyards, dressed in borrowed white dresses, and dance. The dresses, borrowed rather than owned, symbolized a sense of equality and unity, erasing the distinctions between rich and poor. It was a day when the focus was on who a person was on the inside rather than their social status or outward appearance. As the girls danced, they would call out to the young men watching, encouraging them to look beyond physical beauty and material wealth and to choose a partner based on character and values.
Fast-forward to today, and while the vineyards and white dresses may be a thing of the past, the spirit of Tu B’Av remains very much alive. Tu B’Av is a day to check in with yourself and see how you’re showing up in the process of connection. It’s not just about finding love; it’s a day to pause, reflect, and think about your journey—where you’ve been and where you’re going. And what better way to do that than with a fun little “Dating Report Card”?
This is a great way for you to assess how well you are doing in the different subjects related to dating. What are you getting A’s in and what area do you need to work on?
First Impressions 101
A: You’re a pro! Eye contact, warm smile, and no spinach in your teeth—you’ve got it all.
B: You’re doing well, but there’s always room for a little polish. Maybe work on your body language?
C: First impressions are tricky. Remember, confidence is key. Try to relax and be yourself.
Advanced Conversation Tactics
A: You’re a conversational superstar! You can chat about anything and keep it interesting.
B: You’re great at keeping the conversation going but could ask more open-ended questions.
C: Conversations can be tough, but practice makes perfect. Focus on being genuinely interested.
Introduction to Vulnerability
A: You’re not afraid to share a bit of your true self—whether it’s a challenge you’ve overcome or a dream you’re chasing.
B: You’re on the right track. Next time, try to open up a little more about something personal.
C: It’s okay to keep things light, but letting someone in just a bit more can lead to deeper connections.
Listening Skills
A: You’re a great listener, truly engaged in what the other person is saying.
B: You’re doing well but could focus a bit more on what’s being shared rather than thinking about your next response.
C: Listening is more than nodding and smiling. Try to really hear and understand their perspective.
After the Date: Getting Back to the Shadchan
A: You’re prompt and thoughtful, giving feedback that helps everyone involved.
B: You’re doing okay but could be a bit quicker with your responses. Timely feedback is appreciated.
C: It’s easy to delay, but remember, others are waiting on your thoughts. A quick update goes a long way.
Dating Resilience
A: You’ve got the resilience of a champion! No matter what, you keep moving forward with hope.
B: You’re strong, but don’t forget to take care of yourself along the way. It’s okay to take a break if you need it.
C: Dating can be tough, but every “no” brings you closer to the right “yes.” Keep going—you’ve got this!
Your Score Sheet
- Mostly A’s: You’re doing great! You’ve got a lot of things working for you, and you’re on the right track. Keep up the good work, and keep refining those skills.
- Mostly B’s: You’re doing okay, but with a little more focus and effort, you could really take things to the next level. Consider where you can make some small improvements.
- Mostly C’s: It might be time to seek some guidance from a coach or mentor. A little extra support could help you turn those challenges into strengths and boost your confidence in the dating world.
But here’s the thing: this report card isn’t about aiming for perfection. It’s about recognizing where you are in your journey and finding ways to keep growing. Tu B’Av is a time to be kind to yourself, to acknowledge how far you’ve come, and to think about how you can keep moving forward.
So, as you celebrate Tu B’Av, take a moment to reflect on your dating journey, but do it with compassion. If you’re feeling unsure or stuck, Miriam Zeitlin, who is a passionate dating coach, can help you move forward with confidence and make sure that every step you take is purposeful and brings you closer to finding your match.
Remember, Tu B’Av isn’t just about finding love; it’s about believing in your own potential to create it. And with that belief, who knows? Your next report card might just have an A+ in “Found my bashert.”
