You know, being a Jewish single in today’s dating world is no walk in the park. We’ve got this amazing cultural background that’s all about family and settling down, but then there’s this whole divorce thing hanging over your head. You want to find your person, but you’re also kind of scared.
When you look around, you realize that divorce isn’t just a “them” problem anymore; it’s happening in our community, too. And that’s tough to swallow. It’s made a lot of singles feel pretty nervous about jumping into relationships.
Fear of divorce: How it can ruin a perfect date
It’s crazy how that fear can mess with your head, even when you’re with someone really special. Imagine this: You’re out on a date, enjoying a lovely dinner with someone who seems genuinely nice. Everything is going well until a tiny voice in the back of your mind whispers, “But what if it doesn’t work out? What if we end up like those couples who didn’t make it?” Suddenly, your delicious dessert tastes a little less sweet, and the charming conversation feels a bit heavier.
The “What if we get divorced” club?
Welcome to the “What if we get divorced?” club. It’s a pretty crowded club among Jewish singles today, and it’s no wonder why. I mean, with all the breakup stories floating around, it’s enough to make anyone wonder if “happily ever after” is just something from fairy tales.
But here’s the scoop: For every sad split-up story, there are tons of couples out there living their best lives together. They’re raising kids, celebrating anniversaries, and still managing to argue about whose turn it is to take out the trash after 35 years together.
Signs you’re letting the fear of divorce take over
So, how do you know if you’re letting this fear turn you into a commitment-phobic basket case? Here are some signs:
- You’re more paranoid than a conspiracy theorist: Every text, every “hello,” and every shared meal becomes a clue in your personal relationship detective novel.
- You treat relationships like a game of hot potato: The moment things start getting serious, you’re out faster than you can say, “Check, please!”
- You’re comparing this relationship to others’ failed relationships: you mentally try to find similarities between your budding relationship to those that ended in divorce.
- You’ve got more walls up than a medieval castle: Opening up? Sharing feelings? Nah, you’d rather eat Brussels sprouts—and you hate Brussels sprouts.
- You’re nitpicking like it’s your job: “They eat pizza with ketchup? Deal breaker!” Come on, now.
Practical tips for overcoming divorce anxiety
I’ve got some tips to help you get over this hump:
- Change your perspective: Look around at the happy couples in your community. Chat with them. Their stories might just give you the hope you need.
- Spill the beans: Talk about your fears with your date. Chances are, they’re freaking out a bit too. Sharing can bring you closer and make things less scary.
- Slow down: Don’t treat every coffee date like a race to the relationship finish line. Savor your latte, enjoy the conversation, and remember—good relationships brew slowly, just like a perfect cup of coffee.
- Let your guard down: I know, it’s scary. But being vulnerable is how you build real connections. Plus, it’s way less exhausting than pretending to be a robot.
- Become a relationship pro: Read up on how to make relationships work. Knowledge is power, and it might help calm those jitters.
- Get some help: If you’re really struggling, talk to a pro. A good coach or therapist can work wonders.
Why love is worth the risk
Love is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes downright terrifying. But it’s also pretty amazing when you give it a chance. Take a look at the couples in your community who are thriving—the grandparents who still hold hands, the couples who laugh together even after decades of marriage, and those who didn’t give up even when the going got tough.
Marriage is like a long road trip with no GPS. You’ll take wrong turns, argue about directions, and occasionally want to leave your partner at a rest stop. But it’s also about creating a shared language of inside jokes and secret smiles.
The beauty of marriage lies in its ability to transform us into better versions of ourselves. It teaches us patience (like when your partner spends an hour trying to parallel park), forgiveness (for the inevitable ding on the car door), and selflessness (letting them have the last bite of your favorite dessert).
It’s about weathering storms together and emerging stronger on the other side, even if that storm is just assembling IKEA furniture together without divorcing. In the end, marriage is about two imperfect people deciding to be imperfect together.
Avoiding relationships to dodge potential heartbreak means missing out on all the wonderful experiences that come with them. If instead of putting yourself out there with an open heart and a hopeful spirit, you’re hiding at home with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, reach out to experienced shidduch dating coach Miriam Zeitlin, who can help you overcome your fears.
