I love when I take my own advice.
For nearly two years, I lived and breathed my book, Finding Forever. My brain had one channel: book mode. I’d lose track of conversations as I mentally restructured sections, wake up at 3 AM with new chapter ideas, and write, rewrite, and rewrite again each paragraph, section, and chapter.
Then came editing, cover design, marketing… and finally, there it was.
My book. On shelves. Out in the world.
And just like that, the one thing that was my constant companion for so long was done, and the only thought I could think was “Now what?”
The Anticipation Aftermath
It happens to all of us. Something you’ve been looking forward to ends, and you’re not sure what to do with yourself. You wake up and realize, it’s over. The excitement, the buildup, the anticipation, gone. There’s nothing left to count down to, and all you’re left with is that little question: “Now what?”
It is often called the post-event letdown. It’s basically an emotional hangover.
For days, weeks, or maybe months, you have something pulling you forward. It could be something big or small. Doesn’t matter the size. Your brain runs on the anticipation.
Then it’s over, and what you miss isn’t the thing itself. You miss the countdown. Having something to look forward to.
It’s emotional whiplash, going from something to nothing. From potential to past tense.
You may feel it after finally graduating – years of classes, papers, and late-night studying behind you. No syllabus, no deadlines, no next semester to prepare for, and a small voice in your head asks, “Now what?”
The same thing happens after a long-awaited vacation. You planned every detail, counted down for months, and soaked up every minute. Then you come home, unpack your suitcase, and you can’t help but wonder, “Now what?”
It also hits after a simcha. So many months of planning. All the energy, the guests, the music, and then everyone leaves. The noise fades, the lights go out, and your mind whispers, “Now what?”
The Dating Version of “Now What?”
For singles, the “Now what?” becomes a constant companion. It shows up in different ways, but the feeling is always the same.
There’s the waiting game. It’s been six months since your last date. You check your phone constantly, not even for something specific anymore, just… something. Anything. A text from a shadchan. A new suggestion. A sign that someone, somewhere, remembers you’re waiting. But it’s just work emails and sales notifications. You put the phone down. Pick it up thirty seconds later. Nothing. You’re so tired of the nothing, you silently plead: “Now what?”
There’s the almost-relationship. You went out with someone 3 times. It felt like this could be something. You let yourself hope a little. Started picturing introducing him to your family. Then comes the call: “You’re wonderful, but…” And you’re left with that familiar disappointment, that deflated feeling of starting over. Again. You catch yourself muttering: “Now what?”
There’s the event exhaustion. You’re at another singles event. You’ve lost count how many you went to this year. Same conversation starters, same faces, same forced smile while you make small talk about jobs and neighborhoods. You promised yourself you were done after the last one, but what if you skip the one that matters? So, you go. You leave early. You are exhausted from pretending to be interested. You sit in your car for a minute before driving home, asking the steering wheel: “Now what?”
There’s the friend moving forward. Your best friend gets married and moves away. You’re thrilled for her, but also low-key jealous. Part of you can’t help but feel, “Now what?”
There’s the trying-everything burnout. You’ve tried everything. Called every shadchan (multiple times). Went to every event. Said yes to guys you weren’t excited about because “you never know.” Some shadchanim don’t even respond anymore. Others say “I’ll keep you in mind,” which means nothing. You’re exhausted from trying so hard for so long with nothing to show for it. All you’re left with is: “Now what?”
What I Finally Realized
I sat with that empty feeling for weeks after my book launch. It wasn’t that I had nothing to do. I was plenty busy. It was the crash after all the anticipation that stirred the “Now what?” question in my heart.
Then it hit me: I needed to take my own advice, the exact advice I’d written for burned-out daters in the very book that had left me feeling this way.
Sometimes you need to pause between chapters.
So, I took a break. A real one. (That’s why I haven’t written these past few weeks.) I needed to practice what I preach. To pause, recharge, and come back fresh.
After feeling this myself and watching countless clients hit this wall, I finally understood: We’re not supposed to immediately jump from one thing to the next. The “Now what?” is actually life forcing us to pause.
This was written for daters, but really, the formula works for anyone who’s ever felt empty, burned out, or stuck after pouring themselves into something. Whatever stage you’re in, just swap out the dating details for your own story.
The pause has four parts: Relax + Reflect + Rethink = Return anew
Relax. This means a complete break from dating. No shadchan calls. No events. No apps. No “just seeing what’s out there.” A real break. Let your mind stop spinning on the hamster wheel of “what if,” “why not,” and “maybe next time.” You need distance from the disappointment before you can see clearly again.
Reflect. Only after you’ve paused can you reflect and learn. What patterns do you notice in your dating? Did you ignore red flags because you wanted it to work? Did you say yes when your gut said no? Or no when you should say yes? Were you dating out of desperation or out of wholeness? What worked? What didn’t?
Rethink. Now that you understand the patterns, you can decide how to show up differently. Maybe you need to be more selective about who you date. Maybe you need to be more realistic. Or more open to different ideas. Maybe you need to speak up about what you want. Maybe you need to trust your instincts more and well-meaning advice less. This is where you create your new dating approach.
Return Anew. After the break, the reflection, the rethinking, you’re ready to begin anew. Not desperate, not exhausted. Just ready. The “Now what?” has become your fresh start.
Refueling the Tank
When the moment you’ve been waiting for finally arrives, and then suddenly it’s over, take a break.
When a door closes, when the effort doesn’t pay off, when what you hoped for simply doesn’t happen, take a break.
To refuel.
To rebuild.
To begin again.
So, when you find yourself asking “Now what?”
Now you pause.
Miriam
P.S. Did you get the book yet. If not here is the link to purchase it.
If you already have it – please leave a review on Menucha Publishers website and /or Amazon. It will help promote the book.
Thank you in advance.
