Usually, this space is all about me sharing my thoughts, and I have plenty of those. But this week, I wanted to hear from you.
What is on your mind? In your heart?
I posted this on my status (I am sharing it for those who didn’t see it):
I’m changing things up in my newsletter this week! Instead of MY thoughts taking up space in your inbox, I want to hear yours. What’s your story lately? What are you dealing with, feeling good about, or trying to figure out? Share whatever’s on your ❤️.
I’ll feature some of your responses in this week’s email (totally anonymous if you prefer). It’s your turn to be heard!
I got way more responses than I expected, and many of them were very similar. Same themes. Same struggles. A lot of “I don’t know what I’m doing” energy. Which is pretty much dating 101.
I couldn’t share everything, but here are a few that stood out to me.
💕 What’s on your heart:
Ugh!!! Okay, so I went out with a guy this week who I normally never would’ve said yes to. Like he’s not my background, not my look, just totally not what I usually go for. But my friend pushed and I was like fine whatever, what do I have to lose. And I don’t know… I actually had fun! I felt really relaxed, which is not how I usually feel on dates. I’m not saying he’s the one or anything but it did make me realize maybe I’ve been shutting things down too fast. I don’t want to lower my standards but also… maybe I need to loosen up a bit?
🪙🪙 My two cents:
You asked a rhetorical question because you already knew the answer—I love when that happens. “Maybe I need to loosen up a bit?” YES! Exactly! There’s such a difference between compromising on what matters and just being open to being surprised. You’re not lowering your standards, you’re just giving people a chance. And the fact that you felt relaxed means you were actually enjoying yourself, which is kind of the whole point, right?
💕 What’s on your heart:
Still not over this. I went out with a guy FIVE times. I really thought it was moving in a good direction. He was nice, we got along, he even said he was enjoying. Then out of the blue he calls and he’s like “I don’t think you’re for me. This is not working,” I said, okay, but inside I was like… huh?? It just threw me off so hard. It’s not like I was planning a wedding or anything, but I definitely started letting my guard down, and now I feel dumb for doing that. Trying not to overthink it, but it’s hard not to feel a little hurt.
🪙🪙 My two cents:
The whiplash is so real! After five dates, you’re totally allowed to feel confused and hurt. Your feelings are completely justified. You weren’t planning a wedding, but you were being open and genuine, which is exactly what you should be doing. This stuff happens. It’s part of the messy dating process, unfortunately. But don’t let this experience change the way you show up to dating. Remember, no risk, no reward. You need to let your guard down to show who you are, so keep doing what you’re doing. You’re dating the right way.
💕 What’s on your heart:
Honestly, I’m just taking a break. I don’t even know if it’s a real “break” or if I’m just kind of ignoring dating right now lol. I was feeling so drained from saying yes to things that made no sense and then trying to force excitement that wasn’t there. It started to feel like a job I hated. So I’m just doing my own thing now. Work, friends, whatever makes me feel normal again. I’m not done for good but I needed space. Dating started making me feel worse about myself, not better, and I knew that wasn’t a good place to be.
🪙🪙 My two cents:
When dating starts feeling like a chore you dread, it’s time to hit pause. You don’t owe anyone your energy, especially when it’s draining the life out of you. Taking a break isn’t quitting. It’s being smart about your present and future. There’s literally no rush. And when you feel like jumping back in, you’ll probably know yourself way better than you do right now. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your dating life is to ignore it for a while.
💕 What’s on your heart:
Broken engagement—now have to start from square one again. Not that much different from a breakup, except that I am so lost as to what I am looking for 😂
🪙🪙 My two cents:
A broken engagement hits differently. You’re not just processing the end of a relationship. You’re dealing with losing the whole future you had mapped out. And people expect you to magically know what you want now? Nah. Take your time being lost. That “I don’t know what I’m doing” thing from earlier? That was dating 101, and you’re now officially enrolled in the advanced class. The good news, even though it may not feel like it right now, you’re not starting from scratch. You’ve got more wisdom than before, you just can’t see it yet.
💕 What’s on your heart:
My younger sister just got engaged. And I’m really trying to be happy for her. I am happy for her, but also… I cried in my room for like an hour after the l’chaim. Not even because I want her life, but just because it hit me how stuck I feel in mine. Everyone’s asking me if I’m next, and I want to just scream. I know my time will come, I really do. But being the older single sister at every simcha is exhausting. I smile, I dance, I say mazel tov… and then I go home and just fall apart.
🪙🪙 My two cents:
Being the older single sister is its own kind of hard. You are allowed to feel everything you’re feeling. You can love your sister AND feel awful about your own life at the same time. That’s not selfish, that’s human. And those “are you next?” people can honestly just stop. What kind of question is that? You’re already dealing with watching everyone else move forward while you feel stuck, and now you have to field inappropriate questions, too? You’re grieving the timeline you thought you’d have, and that’s completely valid. The fact that you still showed up, smiled, danced, and celebrated her—while your heart was breaking—shows incredible strength. Don’t you dare feel guilty for crying afterward.
💕 What’s on your heart:
I have a date this week and I literally forgot how to do this 😭. I haven’t been out in months and now suddenly I feel like a 19-year-old going out for the first time again. (I’m 25…) I tried on like 4 outfits and ended up hating all of them. I keep overthinking what I’ll say and how to act and all that. I know it’s just a first date, but when you haven’t been in the game for a while, it starts to feel like more pressure. I’m trying to go in with zero expectations but let’s be real, my brain’s already imagining both best and worst-case scenarios 🙃
🪙🪙 My two cents:
The four outfits thing is so real 😂. First dates after a long break can make you feel like you forgot how to be a person. But honestly? The nerves mean you care, which is good. You don’t need to perform—just show up and see what happens. Also, both best and worst case scenarios are probably wrong anyway. Most first dates are just… fine. Normal. A conversation over coffee or a hotel lobby that gives you just enough info to decide if you want to go out again.
💕 What’s on your heart:
I just got engaged last week, and I’m still processing. WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! Not in a bad way. It’s just surreal. After everything- all the years of waiting, the nos, the breakups, the close calls- it actually happened. I always said I believed it could, but there were so many times I didn’t. And to anyone reading this who’s still dating and feeling done—I get it. I was you. I’m 29 and I really thought it wasn’t going to happen for me. But it did. If it could happen to me, it can happen to you. Don’t give up.
🪙🪙 My two cents:
Thank you for sharing your good news! Most of the responses I got were about challenges, so this was refreshing. It is exactly what people need to hear. Your honesty about not always believing it would happen is everything is so powerful. It’s easy to say “don’t give up” but hearing it from someone who actually went through the doubt and came out the other side? That’s powerful. Thank you for giving us all a dose of hope!
These responses came from completely different places in the dating world, but the feelings were so similar. The confusion about what they actually want, the exhaustion from the whole process, the frustration when things don’t work out, and the hurt when they do let their guard down. And thank you to the one person who shared a message of hope for everyone else still in it.
What struck me most was how honest everyone was. There was no pretending that everything’s fine, no sugar-coating the hard parts. Just real people sharing real feelings about where they are right now. So, thank you for sharing.
Until next time,
Miriam
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